Wednesday, February 15, 2012

OH NO! Road closed and I had to Poop!

Anyone out there ever get that horrible bubby feeling while on the expressway?  Silly question, I’m sure most of you have – and more than once at that.  It is a scary moment when on any road, but when about thirty minutes from home on a road that has no real exits until the one you need, it gets even scarier.  This happened to me a few weeks ago.  Every Wednesday I have dinner and a game night with my family.  The drive between my place and theirs is about forty five to sixty minutes depending on traffic, most of it through dark farm country, which I love.  Normally nothing really happens during this drive, one that night, however, that bubby feeling began about five minutes after I got on the expressway.  At that point, I could have gotten off and used a gas station bathroom, but as I’m sure many of you are aware that bubbly feeling is often just a warning rather than an immediate concern.  For me that warning is usually saying I have about thirty minutes, maybe more, until everything breaks loose.  Not wanting to sit in a bathroom that long waiting, especially if others needed it – that is always the worse – I kept going and quickly passed the last real exit before the one I would need would appear.  Nothing horrible happened between then and reaching the exit.  Sure, I had a few scary moments where the bubbles got really painful, but nothing was coming due, so I just gritted my teeth and pushed on. 
And then the exit appeared.

Seeing this my bowels decided to grow excited and give everything a little push.  Normally this would be fine, though annoying, because it’s only like a five minute drive from the exit to my place.  That night, however, it was very unwelcome.  Why?  Apparently, there had been a semi-truck accident a minute from the exit, one that blocked the entire road.  The result, I had to take a detour route that increased my travel time by twenty-five minutes.

Needless to say I was really squeezing and several times nearly pulled off at a gas station to use the bathroom.  In the end I stayed in the car and made it home.  It was a close call, but thankfully one that didn’t end in disaster.  Had I left my parents house a few minutes later or had to take an even longer detour this probably wouldn’t have been the case and I would have been forced to pull off.  Instead I just get to think about it as another odd experience concerning my Crohn’s Disease and the diarrhea I sometimes get from the surgery I had in 2006.  The oddest of course is still the fire alarm at college incident from 2009.  How I ever made it back into my car and then back home before ruining a pair of pants is a mystery, but I did.

Anyone else ever have an experience like this?     


  1. I just had an incident like this happen to me yesterday. : ( I left work after sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes just to be sure I was prepared for my ride home. My ride is 20 minutes. After 5 minutes on the road, that bubbly,gurgle sound hits me and I quickly whip into a parking lot praying that I make it to the Taco Bell bathroom. I lost that battle. I luckily had a big plastic bag beside me that I threw under myself and drove home in a mess. It was humiliating!

  2. I sympathize, William. Hang tough with it, man!
    Jon T.