Bill Pooped Here - New Photo Journal Series

Like many of you out there I often have to make unexpected poop stops while out and about, many of which take place in bathrooms that could make a bucket in the woods surrounded by poison ivy seem more appealing. Now I don’t know why, but for a long time I have stayed pretty silent about these bathrooms, and never really gave serious consideration about keeping a record of all the crazy places I’ve been forced to visit (though I would write about some of the bad ones every now and then). Today that silence will come to an end. From this point on I’m going to take pictures of all the disgusting bathrooms I visit when diarrhea hits (and maybe the not so disgusting ones too), and post them on this blog. I will also write about what it was like to venture within, and whether or not there was fear involved given the location.

Methodist Camp Grounds, Des Plaines, IL

Many of my sudden bathroom stops occur at or when driving home from Civil War reenactments, which I pretty much take part in every other weekend from March until October each year. It is the three days of camp fire food followed by sudden real restaurant food Sunday evening that does it to me (and the other guys sometimes -- more on that in another post). The picture posted is from one of these moments -- my friends thought it would be funny to take it while I was inside. We were doing a Living History Civil War event at the Methodist Camp Grounds in Des Plaines, IL, and while getting ready to leave I started to feel that familiar bumbling sensation that warns diarrhea is on the way. At the time we were also experiencing a severe thunderstorm, and for some reason hearing the heavy downpour of rain all around me was adding to the urge. Knowing it was going to hit, but thinking I had time to make it to a real bathroom -- I had already ventured into the one pictured to pee during the weekend and knew I didn’t want to poop in there -- I told the guys I was driving with that we could start heading toward the restaurant we planned on eating at. It was a mistake. Making it worse the parking lot had speed bumps in it, ones that seemed to jiggle everything around while leaving, and then made it almost impossible to keep everything inside when heading back in so I could use the bathroom.

Now I know what you are thinking: what was it about the bathroom that made me risk driving on the expressway when a severe diarrhea warning was in the air? The answer is simple: the stalls in the bathroom were so small that while sitting down it was impossible to close the doors because your knees stuck out. Even worse the doors didn’t have locks on them. Because of this one had to sit there holding onto the bottom of the door to keep it from its natural open state, all while having ones feet stick out beneath it. The smell wasn’t too pleasant either, but that is pretty common for bathrooms like that. Adding to the misery was the limited number of stales in the bathroom which meant lines developed easily. Knowing you are holding things up is bad enough, but having to do it in a stall that won’t close all the way where everyone can see your feet is horrible. Thankfully because of the storm outside I was the only one in the bathroom. It was a small blessing.

So there you have it, the first entry into my new Bill Pooped Here Photo Series. I ‘m guessing more will follow pretty quickly. I have several long road trips coming up, one to Virginia, and one to the western side of Missouri, and already know I will be hit with diarrhea at some point during these two events (it always happens). Now I just have to remember to take pictures.